Tuesday, December 05, 2006

And God said "BOUNCE!"

I don’t know much about Mormons. Do you? We know they wear special underwear, and we’re fascinated. We know their temples look like Disneyland rides. We know they have an angel named Moroney, which sounds like a type of enriched pasta for retards. (Sorry, Mormons. It’s just true.)

In high school I had a pal who grew up in Utah. She told me two more fun Mormon facts: 1) if you’re really broke, they’ll bring you groceries, and 2) they all have trampolines. “All of them?” I wondered. “All of them. All of them!” “But why?” “No one knows.”

A year or two later my high school took me to Belize. As a friendly, tropical, English-speaking country, Belize is crawling with Mormon missionaries. In Orange Walk, we stayed in a little budget hotel where the only other guests were two middle-aged Americans. And you know, I was in high school, so I was kind of a rude little punk. We started talking:

Sarah: Where are you guys from?
Lady: Utah.
Sarah: Oh! Are you Mormon?
Lady: Yes, yes we are.
Sarah: Really? Do you have a trampoline?
Lady: (clearly annoyed) Well we don’t just have a trampoline. We have go carts, snowmobiles, jet skis, sleds, skis, snow tubes, mountain bikes, we have soccer goals, we have a parachute, we have billiards, paintball, foozeball, snorkels …
Lady’s Husband: Handball.
Lady: Handball…
Sarah: (fascinated) But you do have a trampoline?
Lady: (defensively) Well…yes.

I’m not gonna lie, I thought it was pretty funny. Now this all happened before my family had internet. I told Inna this story a few days ago, and she had the good sense to google “Mormons and Trampolines” (duh, I can’t believe I never thought of that.) It’s an actual thing, mormons and trampolines, it’s a stereotype. There are jokes about it on the internet. Holy Moroney! I’ll be damned.


Anonymous said...

I didn't know it was a whole THING, but I totally knew about Mormons and trampolines. I have observed it firsthand so many times that I refuse to believe it's just a hollow stereotype.

My sister used to say the trampolines were because a) it was something for all the foster kids to do, because Mormons adopt hell of kids; or b) because it got them closer to God.

Also: I know two people who were excommunicated from the Mormon church. One of them moved thousands of miles away and changed her name but, when she lost her job, a couple of bags of groceries turned up on her front step THE NEXT DAY. Those Mormons are hard to shake.

jessamynit said...

damn, though, that family had a lotta gear!
"handball"?! you count that amongst your wealth?!

Anonymous said...

This reminds me of the story of the monk who finally makes it to his destined place of enlightenment and is told something. "Well, what is he told?" Answer, "You'd have to be a monk to know". So...er...what's the story with Mormons and trampolines? You've left me hanging dear...

Anonymous said...

They're to hide the launch pads...